Quicksand Page 10

  It seemed unthinkable to him that she would go to such lengths for a reconciliation unless she loved me. I could see that, but then why did she keep on meeting Watanuki? Wouldn’t she have given him up long ago, if she really loved me? That puzzled me, but he said Mitsuko would never expose her own vulnerability, no matter how much she was attracted by someone; she’d want to manipulate the other person into falling in love with her. Since she was as vain as she was beautiful, she felt somehow deprived unless she was being worshiped. She seemed convinced that it diminished her value to yield to anyone. That’s why she was using Watanuki to make me jealous, and to preserve her own superiority.

  “One thing more,” he said. “She’s afraid of what I might do if she talked about leaving me. As matters stand, I don’t think she’d dare. But if she ever did, I’d stake my life against it.” As he spoke, he stared hard at me with his reptilian red eyes.

  19

  “IS IT GETTING LATE for you, Sister?” Watanuki asked me. “Do you mind talking a little longer?”

  “Not at all,” I said. “I’m perfectly willing.”

  “Then let’s go back the same way, shall we?”

  We turned back from Kitahama and began walking south, down the same street.

  “It’s obvious Mitsuko has made us into enemies, and I’m the one who’s going to lose out.”

  “I can’t believe that,” I said. “Even if Mitsu and I were passionately in love with each other, people would say it’s unnatural, so I’d be the one she jilted, if it came to that. Even her family would be sympathetic to you, but nobody would sympathize with me.”

  “But an unnatural love is to your advantage, Sister. She can find any number of partners of the opposite sex, while there’s really no one to take your place. So I could be thrown over anytime, but she won’t jilt you.”

  . . . Yes, and he told me that Mitsuko could carry on a lesbian love whoever she married. She could run through one husband after another without the slightest effect on it. Our love, Mitsu’s and mine, would endure beyond the love of any husband and wife.

  “Ah, how unlucky I am!” he sighed, once again in that melodramatic style. Then he thought for a moment and went on quietly: “Please, Sister, be honest with me. Would you rather see Mitsu take me as her husband, or another man?”

  Clearly, from my point of view, if Mitsuko married anyone I’d prefer to have her marry Watanuki, who already knew of our relationship. That’s what I told him.

  “Then there’s no reason for us to be enemies, is there?”

  From now on let’s join forces, he said. If we stop being jealous and work together, neither one of us will be victimized. . . . It’s only because we’ve been rivals that Mitsuko could manipulate us any way she pleased. Why not begin getting together in private now and then, to keep in touch? Of course that means we should come to a complete understanding; it wouldn’t do to misinterpret each other’s positions. He wasn’t just parroting Mitsuko’s excuses, he assured me, but it seemed foolish to be jealous, when you consider how different homosexual love is from heterosexual. It would be a fatal mistake to try to monopolize the love of such a dazzlingly beautiful woman. Even to share it between us was a luxury, when you could easily imagine five or ten more admirers idolizing her. If he were the only man and I the only woman, wouldn’t we be the two happiest people in the world? That’s something we ought to agree on, grasping that happiness for ourselves forever, before someone else takes it away.

  “How do you feel about it, Sister?” he asked.

  “If that’s what you sincerely want, I’ll promise to go along with it,” I told him.

  “I’m relieved to hear you say that. Otherwise I’d have made the whole affair public, and that would have ruined everything—not just for myself, even for you! But you’re like an older sister to Mitsu, and you can be mine too. I don’t have a real sister, so I’ll look out for you as if you belonged to my family. Think of me as your very own younger brother, and don’t hesitate to confide in me if anything troubles you. Someone like me would be a remorseless enemy, but if I’m on your side I’ll give my life for you, Sister. If you make it possible for me to marry Mitsu, I’ll do whatever you want, even if it means forgoing my marital rights.”

  “Would you actually do that for me?”

  “Indeed I would! On my honor as a man. As long as I live, I’ll never forget my debt to you.”

  So we walked all the way back to Umezono, shook hands firmly, and parted, after agreeing to meet there whenever anything important came up.

  Somehow, once I was on my way home, my heart began pounding out of sheer joy. Did Mitsuko love me that much? Far more than she loved Watanuki? Oh, could I be dreaming? . . . Only yesterday I’d been convinced they were using me as their plaything, and now, suddenly, everything had changed. I felt almost bewitched. Thinking over what Watanuki told me, I had to admit it was unlikely that Mitsuko would have made such a scene if she didn’t love me. Why would she even want to see me, if she already had a man of her own? . . . And another thing, going back to when it all started, the time when those malicious rumors circulated about the model for my Kannon portrait: Mitsuko herself must have realized from my behavior how I felt about her. Maybe when she passed me in the street she thought: That girl has an eye for me! She’d watch out for a chance to lead me on. Of course I was eager to strike up a conversation with her, but even though she had kept her distance, her radiant smile lured me into making an approach. And the first time I saw her in the nude, I was the one who took the initiative, but only after being tempted by her seductive manner. . . . All in all, as much as I adored her, when I asked myself how I got into this relationship, I couldn’t help thinking I had been affected by those rumors at school, coming just when I was feeling so dissatisfied with my husband. Mitsuko might have perceived that weakness in me and planted the suggestion before I was aware of it. In fact, even the marriage talk with the M family seemed to have been a pretext. . . .

  Anyway, I felt that I’d been caught in my own trap, put in the position of making all the advances. Of course I couldn’t believe everything Watanuki told me, but maybe he didn’t actually advise Mitsuko what to do the night their clothes were stolen; maybe she even had someone else pretend to call from the SK Hospital for her, if the man’s voice wasn’t Watanuki’s—once I began to have such doubts, there was no end to it, and yet, above all, why would she keep her pregnancy secret from me? To be so coldhearted, after making me worry so much—surely that meant she had nothing but contempt for me. Or could it be that he had revealed her secret out of a wish to drive us apart? Did he only mean to make a temporary ally of me, so I wouldn’t interfere with his plans, and then drop me as soon as they were married?

  The more I thought about it, the more I distrusted him. But about four or five days later, there was Watanuki waiting for me outside the inn again.

  “Just a moment, please,” he said. “I have something I’d like to talk over with you today, Sister. Won’t you come along to that tearoom?”

  So I went to Umezono with him, up to a quiet room on the second floor, and listened to what he had to say.

  “If we don’t put our promise to be brother and sister in writing, I’m afraid you’ll never really trust me,” he began. “It makes me uneasy too, so why don’t we do away with all the suspicion by signing a written oath? In fact, I’ve already prepared a document with that in mind.”

  As he spoke, he took from his pocket what appeared to be a pair of legal contracts.

  . . . Just look at this, please. It’s one of the vows we signed that day.

  (Author’s note: It seems worthwhile to give the full text of the document that Mrs. Kakiuchi provided, not only to introduce its contents at this stage in her narrative but also because it will serve to indicate something of the character of the man who drafted it, Mr. Watanuki.)

  Kakiuchi Sonoko. Born May 8, 1904. Residence: No. XX, Koroen, Nishinomiya, Hyogo Prefecture. Wife of Kakiuchi Kotaro, Attorney at Law

&
nbsp; Watanuki Eijiro. Born October 21, 1901. Residence: No. XX, 5-chome, Awajicho, Higashi-ku, Osaka. Second son of Watanuki Chosaburo, company employee

  The aforesaid Kakiuchi Sonoko and Watanuki Eijiro, out of consideration for the strong mutual interest which they both have in regard to Tokumitsu Mitsuko, have vowed that from this day of July 18, 1927, forward they will maintain the bond of brother and sister, in no respect different from that of blood relatives, in accordance with the following conditions:

  1. Kakiuchi Sonoko will be considered the elder sister, and Watanuki Eijiro the younger brother. This is because Eijiro, though older, is to become the husband of the younger sister of Sonoko.

  2. The elder sister recognizes the status of her younger brother as lover of Tokumitsu Mitsuko, and the younger brother recognizes the sisterly love between his elder sister and Tokumitsu Mitsuko.

  3. Both sister and brother will be forever united in seeking to prevent Tokumitsu Mitsuko’s love from being transferred to a third party. Elder sister will exert every effort to see that her brother and Mitsuko are brought together in formal matrimony. Her brother, even after the marriage, will offer no objection whatever to the existing relationship between his sister and Mitsuko.

  4. If either one of the two signatories should be abandoned by Mitsuko, the other will take corresponding action. That is to say, if the brother is abandoned, his sister will break off relations with Mitsuko; and if the sister is abandoned, her brother will break his engagement to Mitsuko. If marriage has already taken place, he will divorce her.

  5. Neither party, without the express consent of the other, will engage in any such action as running away with Mitsuko, concealing their whereabouts, or committing double suicide with her.

  6. Both parties, in view of the danger of provoking an adverse reaction from Mitsuko, will keep this compact absolutely secret, so long as they are not forced by necessity to make it public. It is agreed that should either party desire to reveal it to Mitsuko, or to any third person, there is an obligation to consult the other party in advance.

  7. If one party should violate this oath, the other party may be expected to inflict severe retribution by any and all means.

  8. This oath shall remain in effect so long as neither party has voluntarily severed relations with Tokumitsu Mitsuko.

  July 18, 1927

  Elder sister Kakiuchi Sonoko (seal)

  Younger brother Watanuki Eijiro (seal)

  (Author’s note: The entire main text of the agreement was written by brush in tiny, meticulously formed characters, very carefully spaced, without a single corrected dot or stroke, on two sheets of fine white Japanese paper bound with a twisted-paper cord. Since more than a quarter sheet of standard legal-size paper was left blank, there was no need for such small characters, but no doubt Mr. Watanuki was accustomed to writing in that rather fussy manner. The calligraphy was adequate, for a young man these days unused to brush writing, but hardly surpassed the vulgar competence of a shop clerk’s hand. The two signatures at the end had been written by fountain pen, in that second-floor room of Umezono, and here the signature of the widow Kakiuchi was disproportionately large. What seemed particularly repellent were the two seeping brownish stains that looked like little flower petals impressed below the signatures; two of the same kind of stains were spread across the seams of the paper, where seals would also have been applied. The widow’s own account will suffice to explain them.)

  “How does it appeal to you, Sister?” he asked me. “Are these conditions agreeable? If they are, won’t you please sign and seal the document? Of course if you find anything lacking, don’t hesitate to say so.”

  “An agreement like this is all right, as far as it goes,” I said. “But what about a child? Wouldn’t you and Mitsu begin to be more concerned about your own family? I’d like you to take that into consideration too.”

  “It’s covered by the third provision: ‘Her brother, even after the marriage, will offer no objection whatever to the existing relationship between his sister and Mitsuko.’ So you see, I haven’t the slightest intention of sacrificing you for the sake of our family. But if you’re still worried about it, I’ll add anything you like to put your mind at ease. What do you suggest?”

  “Since Mitsu has to carry the baby long enough to be married, I suppose it can’t be helped. But I want you to promise you won’t have any more children.”

  He thought for a moment.

  “Very well,” he said. “I wonder how to put it. There are various circumstances . . .”

  He was taking into account all sorts of things that hadn’t even occurred to me—look at what’s written by pen on the back of the second sheet. Those are the conditions he added at that time.

  (Author’s note: On the back sheet of the vow reproduced above was appended the following text, under the heading “Additional Provision”:

  The brother, after marrying Tokumitsu Mitsuko, will take every precaution to avoid impregnating her. Should there be any suspicion whatever of pregnancy, he will deal with the situation in accordance with the instructions of his sister.

  And two further provisions seemed to have been added as an afterthought:

  Even in the case of a pregnancy existing at the time of marriage, all necessary measures will be taken to terminate it, if possible, after the ceremony.

  If the brother is unable to guarantee that he and his wife will faithfully cooperate in the fulfillment of these additional provisions, he cannot marry Mitsuko.

  Here, as well, a pair of brownish stains dotted the paper.)

  When he finished writing this, Watanuki said: “Now that we’ve made things definite, we can both feel relieved. Reading it over, I can see that it’s a good deal more to your advantage than mine, Sister. That must show you how sincere I am.” And he asked me to sign my name.

  “I’m willing to sign it,” I said, “but I don’t have my seal.”

  “For a pledge as brother and sister, an ordinary seal isn’t sufficient. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to bear a little pain.”

  Then, with a knowing grin, he took something from his pocket.

  20

  “PLEASE ALLOW ME,” Watanuki said, grasping me firmly by the hand and drawing my kimono sleeve up to my shoulder. “This will hurt only a moment.”

  I had thought he would want a fingertip, but he proceeded to bind two handkerchiefs tight around my upper arm.

  “You don’t have to do that for a seal, do you?” I asked.

  “It’s not just the seal. We’ve got to swear a blood oath as brother and sister.” He pulled up one of his sleeves, and held his own arm next to mine. “Are you ready, Sister? You mustn’t cry out. . . . Close your eyes—it’ll be over before you know it.”

  I was afraid of what would happen if I resisted; besides, there was no use trying to escape. The object gleaming in his hand had terrified me. It was too late! Now my eyes were shut—what was to stop him from slitting my throat? Just as I resigned myself to being murdered, I felt something sharp graze my arm above the elbow, and I almost fainted, as if I might be having a stroke.

  “Steady! Steady!” he encouraged me. I opened my eyes and saw that he was holding his arm out to me. “Come, Sister, you drink first.” After that ritual was finished, he grasped my finger, bloodied it, and pressed it hard against the paper again and again, making the seals. “You need to seal it here, and here, and here.”

  I felt deathly afraid of him and meant to keep my promise faithfully, so I locked my copy of the oath up in the cabinet drawer. It troubled me to keep it secret from Mitsuko, but I tried not to give the least hint to her. Still, I must have seemed nervous. The next day Mitsuko darted a strange look at me and asked: “Sister, how did you get that cut?”

  “Oh, that,” I said. “I wonder. Last night I was eaten alive by mosquitoes; maybe I scratched myself raw.”

  “That’s funny,” she replied. “Eijiro has a scratch in exactly the same place.”

  Now I see what I’m in for,
I thought, feeling myself go pale.

  “Sister, you’re hiding something from me, aren’t you? Please tell me the truth about that cut.” And she went on: “You’re trying to deceive me, but I have a good idea what happened. You and Eijiro made a private pact, without letting me know, didn’t you?”

  Well, Mitsuko’s suspicions were plainly on the right track. There was no use pretending ignorance if she saw through me like that, but although I knew I had turned white as a sheet, I wouldn’t answer her.

  “That’s right, isn’t it?” she insisted. “Why won’t you admit it?”

  As she kept after me, she told me that yesterday Watanuki had come to see her on his way home and she caught a glimpse of the wound on his arm. From that time on, she had suspected there was more to it; you couldn’t imagine both of us having identical scratches at the same time.

  “Which of us do you really care for, Sister, Eijiro or me?” she asked.

  And then: “Since you’re keeping it secret, you must think it’s something I have no right to know.”

  Finally, as if she had to get to the bottom of what was going on between Watanuki and me, she said: “I won’t let you leave till you tell me!”

  She was as calm as could be, but she kept her gaze fixed on me, and there were resentful tears in those enchanting, indescribably lovely eyes. If she had implored me with her eyes alone, I couldn’t have resisted their bewitchment. And if she was already so suspicious, there was sure to be a row sooner or later. The longer I kept my secret, the more she would suspect me, I knew, and yet I couldn’t simply blurt it out to her without consulting Watanuki.